Christmas Past #9

Christmas 2004 Princess 8 yrs 10 months, Mr Man 5 years old, and Sweet Pea 2 yrs 10 months.

This year for Christmas Princess got a camera as her big gift, Mr Man got his Thomas table for his wooden trains and Sweet pea got a graco set for baby dolls which include a pack n play, a stroller and an infant car seat carrier which hooked to the strollers just the like real ones.

This was also a hard Christmas for me. Back in April of 2004 we lost our baby, I had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks along. Alyssa Reese was due October 29, 2004, which just also happened to be mine and DH 10 year wedding anniversary. Alyssa was spending her 1st Christmas in heaven with Jesus, and that was really hard on me. I was missing her with all my heart.. I wanted to do something for her like a babies 1st Christmas ornament or something and while looking I found the perfect ornament to hang on our tree. It was a Willow tree Angel called Angel embrace, on the little card that was hooked to it it read, Holding near that which we hold dear. Here is a picture of Alyssa's ornament

Even though I cried a lot at night thinking about how this would have been her 1st Christmas, God used the lose of our little girl, to teach me, bring me closer to him and to show just how much he loves us and how powerful he is.. I don't think I ever had to trust and rest in Him as much as I did during the time of losing my baby. It was a really hard thing to do, but even though my heart was breaking and I missed my baby I learned to Give thanks in ALL things, to thank God for bringing Alyssa into my life if even for the short time she was with us, and the harder still was giving thanks that He is in control and He knows what is best for us and thanking him for doing what was best for me even if that meant Alyssa never getting to be placed into my arms here on earth.

I also had more to Thank God for this Christmas.. Little Man was healthy and Growing inside of me and kicking up a storm.

I don't even know how to explain the emotions I was having this Christmas.. extrema sadness for our lose and yet at the same time extreme happiness for the new little life growing in me and extreme happiness for the 3 wonderful babies I already had.

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